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I have a mate who only calls me when he’s at work or else he’s driving home from work. I feel that he is just using me in his downtime.
Mr JH, Tea Gardens
Dear Mr JH,
You are, indeed, the sharpest tool in the shed. That is exactly what your mate is doing. You are his time-filler, his afternoon reprieve from clock-watching, his alternative to drive-time radio with all those irritating commercials.
I once had a mate (yes, only once) and I’m not sure what his job title was, but he pretty much had the same job as Homer Simpson. He just had to hang around in case there was some kind of emergency, which there never was, and keep his hand vaguely near the big red button on his desk. Other than that, he had nothing to do. So, of course, he would call and say he was bored. I wasn’t bored. I was doing the washing and helping the kids with homework and cooking dinner, but he had all the time in the world, and wanted to talk about all manner of things so his shift wouldn’t be so painfully monotonous.
At first I just thought he really liked talking to me. Pretty soon I cottoned on to the fact that he only liked talking to me if he was also getting paid $50 an hour from his boss. It was sort of like the reverse of a phone-sex chat I guess – definitely no sex, only dull and dreary conversation at my expense.
The same goes for those annoying phone calls people make on their Bluetooth. Not only are they taking up precious time, but every time they drive through the phone drop-out zones (pretty much half of Port Stephens), you get eleven words out of every sixty, like this: ‘So I really need to tell you about it. Are you ready? ……………. and that’s how I got into pyramid selling essential oils.’ Actually, come to think of it, maybe it is for the best that you only hear half the conversation.
I recommend calling your mate at 3am and tell him you’ve got a job night packing and you just needed to hear his voice and tell him all about stock rotation. He’ll never call you again.