‘On the couch’ with Jasminda


DEAR Jasminda,

On the weekend, I was flicking through social media.

My husband was doing his ‘essential exercise’ with the dog.

As I was mindlessly scrolling, a ‘found dog’ post turned up.

I read the post because it was an adorable looking dog, and in fact very similar in looks to my own dog.

On closer inspection the dog had the same identifying white patch on its chest and I realised with horror that it was my dog.

I was about to respond when the writer said the owner had been found.

On his return, I asked how the walk went and he said it was lovely.

No mention of the missing dog!

Is this the start of a web of deceit?

Mrs Kelly T.

Dear Kelly,

Aren’t those local neighbourhood social media groups wonderful?

They are like the Esme Watsons of former times, who used to peer out of their blinds and report all the strange goings on in the neighbourhood.

Now, though, they are splashed all over social media where every Tom, Dick and Harry can have their two-bobs’ worth (gee this response is overloaded with vernacular – it may be due to the cheap hair dye that is currently seeping into my brain since everyone is now a DIY hairdresser).

Anyway, I think I’d let this one slide.

He was probably gazing out at the ocean, nostalgic for pre-Covid days, and the dog got sick of his moping and wandered off.

Much more difficult to handle than a curious dog are the unsolicited responses on social media to innocent posts.

No doubt it was full of things like: ‘He shouldn’t even have a dog if he can’t keep an eye on it’ and ‘Unfortunately we noticed a lot of dog poo on the ground recently which we can’t blame tourists for anymore’ and ‘two poofy-looking dogs and a real one were on the beach yesterday but I couldn’t catch them’, none of which related to your dog, but then had you in a spin about everyone else’s problems including your own (since resolved) ones.

You did ask how the walk was, and his answer that ‘it was lovely’ was not a lie, but perhaps the (less criminal) judicious use of omission. You could add a tracker to his phone, but do you really want to know where he is every minute of the day, when 90 per cent of the time he’s in the house?

Carpe diem, Jasminda.

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