On the Couch with Jasminda

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Do you have a pressing problem, annoying anxiety or community conundrum? Jasminda Featherlight, our resident roving Agony Aunt, is here to help. Jasminda will be responding to questions from our FOUR News Of The Area papers on a rotating basis. Send your concerns to Jasminda care of [email protected] and include your title, initials and suburb.

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Dear Jasminda,

My mum has gone crazy with homemade Christmas decorations. Our house looks like something out of the Blair Witch Project. Help!

Miss KN, Raymond Terrace.

Dear Miss KN,

I blame this pressing problem on the DIY generation. Everything changed when reality TV came into our lives.

Suddenly we are all experts in trades that should take many years of on-the-job training and accredited qualifications.

Now, men and women of the suburbs reckon they can build a state-of-the-art cubby house in two hours with three pallets, a roll of hessian and a staple gun.

It gets worse, of course. Every Jack and Jill from the Terrace to Bulahdelah thinks they can buy a run-down shack and ‘flip it’ in five weeks in order to gain a cool $200,00. Women are getting their hair cut into stylish bobs and they are feigning Canadian accents saying things like, “That paint really makes the room pop!”

In the grand scheme of things, your mum’s foray into homemade Christmas decorations is pretty tame, though I do know how embarrassing it is when the guy at Bunnings asks your mum to produce identification because she’s buying up all the gold and silver spray cans like a cross between one of the local ‘boys in da hood’ and Glenda the good witch.

The only other positive I can see is that the money she saves will be usefully redirected towards your Christmas gifts.

Aaaargh . . . I just had a terrible thought. Maybe she is making those as well. Just imagine when you open your gifts this year. You’ll receive a crocheted IPhone case (how cool), a pair of bedazzled denim shorts (fashion disasters always return if you wait long enough), and maybe you’ll even score a fancy new piece of contemporary art constructed from melted down forks, welded coathangers and pieces of silver-sprayed fishing line (what’s not to love?).

I hope you survive the festive season, Miss KN. I’ll be thinking of you while I pop a few rum balls.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.

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