On the Couch with Jasminda



Do you have a pressing problem, annoying anxiety or community conundrum? Jasminda Featherlight, our resident roving Agony Aunt, is here to help. Jasminda will be responding to questions from our News Of The Area papers on a rotating basis. Send your concerns to Jasminda care of [email protected] and include your title, initials and suburb.

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Dear Jasminda,
What is the appropriate etiquette around taking a shower at the beach?
Mrs KS, One Mile

Hi Mrs KS,
I assume you’re talking about the communal showers where the spray is so intense that you feel as though you’re being waterboarded? I’m not a huge fan of any shower without temperature regulation, Spotify streaming, soft lighting, white tiles, a niche for lotions and potions, and a removable nozzle, but the beach showers are handy for a quick rinse off before hopping in the car. That’s the extent of it. The key is to get in and out very quickly. There’s nothing more annoying than standing in a queue while a finicky parent washes every grain of sand off every bucket, spade, flotation device, snorkel and child while you wait patiently so you can swivel once and be on your merry way.

Even more alarming, though, are those who feel the need to have a bit of a lather up, a bit of an adjustment, if you know what I mean, in full public view. This happened to me today. I swear the man in front of me was performing some sort of testicular cancer check, such was the intensity of vigorous manoeuvring under his board shorts. I’m not a prude, Mrs KS, but there’s a time and place for self-care, and the council-provided showers at 11am isn’t that time or place. I understand people do illegal overnight stints in their Wicked Campers at the beach carpark, but it’s also not appropriate to do the full hair wash/ leg shave/body loofah and post-shower moisturise when there’s a queue. As an aside, washing your feet in the provided dog-bowl is just poor manners. I don’t want my show-quality hound getting some sort of fungal infection from your manky feet, thanks very much.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.

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