On the Couch with Jasminda



Dear Jasminda,
My kids have asked me for Mother’s Day ideas. What would you like for Mother’s Day?
Mrs PD, Salamander Bay

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Dear Mrs PD,

Doesn’t every day feel like Mother’s Day? I mean being a mother is not something you are never given the opportunity to forget from the moment your screaming newborn is placed on your belly, through to the terrible twos, the angst-ridden teenage years, the ‘I’m back, renting is too expensive’ decade, and so on. Mother’s Day, therefore, should be a 365-day-a year commitment from your children, so with that in mind, here are some things I would like from my children.

When I put your folded clothes on your bed, I’d like you to get them into the drawer instead of letting them sit there for a week until they have fallen off onto the floor where you assume they are dirty washing and put them back in the laundry basket.

When I drive you to your casual job, I would like to listen to my own playlist, not the expletive-ridden, misogynistic trash that you need to get you into “work mode”.

When you have finished your meal, I’d like you to deal with your plate instead of quietly skulking off to your bedroom, thinking I won’t notice.

When you apply spray tan in my white bathroom, I’d like you to at least attempt to remove those rust-coloured stains from every surface when you are done.

When you try on every item of clothing before going out, I am not a sales assistant who is on hand to hang those items back in your wardrobe. Clothes and towels do not live on the floor.

If all those ideas fail, please just give me a massage voucher so I can get rid of some of the nervous tension that resides in my temples and neck due to dealing with the above.

PS: If you are going to make me breakfast in bed, that includes cleaning up afterwards.

PPS: I do adore you, my darling children.

Thanks in advance.

Carpe diem,

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