On the Couch with Jasminda


Dear Jasminda,

I went to the cinema recently and just as the movie started, a tall couple sat right in front of me. They then proceeded to talk, eat noisily and move around in their seats. Why don’t people understand basic etiquette? In the end I had to get up and find somewhere else to sit.
Mr TU, Nelson Bay

Dear Mr TU,

Do you ever try to watch a movie in the comfort of your home and one of your family members decides to play YouTube videos on their phone? Or they pick their toenails? Or they open a packet of chips and chew loudly?

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Alternatively, they start an inane conversation about the neighbour’s cat. Or else they sit down halfway through the movie and then constantly asks what’s happening. Going to the cinema is just like that, only multiplied by at least one hundred.

For a start, cinema food is ridiculously noisy. Wrappers are noisily unwrapped. Choc Tops are noisily cracked. Coke is noisily slurped. Then there’s the people who have managed to sneak their contraband food from Woolies into the cinema. What fun watching them contort their bodies as they remove items from their sleeves, their pockets and under their jumpers, all the while blocking your view.

How about those incredibly annoying people who take their kids to adult movies. Nothing is more frustrating than having your moment with Brad Pitt’s pectoral muscles interrupted by some kid shoving their foot into your head.

It is just common sense to leave children with a babysitter unless you are watching a G-rated movie.

Speaking of couples, how about the ones not even watching the movie because they are too busy kissing and cuddling and carrying on. There is a place for this and it is called the back row. It’s not that difficult.

How about the person in the centre seat who, five minutes into the movie, realises they need to go to the toilet. They then have to squeeze past six pairs of legs and you can’t focus until they return.

Finally, the hordes that stand before the credits have finished rolling. Some of us like to give respect to the people who actually made the film. We don’t want our view blocked. You aren’t on a plane. Just hold tight for another five minutes. It won’t kill you.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.

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