‘On the couch’ with Jasminda


DEAR Jasminda,

I THINK my kids are taking advantage of the new rules for staying at home with any sign of a COVID symptom.

They are fine on weekends, but suddenly have a headache, slightly sore throat and a bit of a sniffle on Monday.

Mr George R.

Dear George,

You just took me back to a childhood affliction I had for several years which manifested as a stomach ache, but was actually a chronic need to stay home and be doted on by my nanna.

This was a carefully orchestrated illness with symptoms commencing the night before.

I would leave a few mouthfuls of my dinner and say I didn’t feel great.

This was a master stroke as it meant I could go to my room and read instead of doing the dishes. Halfway through the night, I’d go into my parents’ room and say I felt like I needed to vomit.

I’d then go to the bathroom and make retching sounds, planting further seeds of doubt into the mind of my fatigued mum.

In the morning, I’d feign stomach pains, which was normally enough, but if she suggested taking my temperature, I’d ask to do it in the bathroom as I was feeling queasy, and then I’d run the thermometer under the hot water tap.

Then I’d be delivered to my nanna’s house on Mum’s way to work where I’d make a miraculous recovery by about 10am.

COVID is a whole new ball game.

Not just for kids, I suspect, but for anyone who doesn’t want to go to their workplace.

The whole ‘soldier on’ concept has been replaced by a need to stay home with the slightest symptom and the only punishment is a Q-tip up the nose.

Life has never been better, except for those of us who already work from home and are now surrounded by kids and partners, who happen to make the worst work colleagues ever.

Perhaps make your home environment less inviting.

You could do up a jobs list with unappealing tasks or become one of those irritating home-schooling experts, so manically enthusiastic about their dodgy attempts at the curriculum, that little Karl and Trinity can’t wait to return to school.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.

Leave a Reply