‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

My girlfriend leaves her GPS on in the car even when I know how to get to the location. We can’t have a decent conversation because of this.

Bill S.

Dear Bill,

Have you been in a relationship for a long time?

Do you find your directions are offered in less than helpful ways, such as two seconds before your girlfriend needs to get in the right lane when she is in the left lane on a multi-lane highway?

Do you punctuate your directions with swearing and hand-wringing and rude comments that have ‘licence’ and ‘cereal packet’ in the same sentence?

I can completely understand your partner’s desire to use a GPS with its unharried, self-assured voice assistant.

This person speaks in a calm, modulated tone and no matter what situation you find yourself in, she doesn’t get stressed, or shout, ‘Well, now where the bloody hell are we?’ when your partner veers off course.

Instead, she politely and serenely returns your partner to her desired route.

In fact, she’ll also be notified when there is a speed camera and how many minutes and kilometres to the destination, which is far more helpful than ‘Well, great, now we’ll be late.

They will have already eaten all the hors d’oeuvres’ which your partner no doubt pronounces ‘horse doovers’ because he’s not as cultured as the Sat Nav woman.

And then, her piece de resistance: a definitive ‘Arrived’ delivered with such confidence, that you can’t help but feel in control.

There is absolutely no joy to be gained from getting directions from someone you’re in a relationship with.

So let your girlfriend continue to use her GPS and converse once she’s not in the advantageous position of one foot on the accelerator and two hands behind the wheel.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.

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