Dear Jasminda,

My 18-year-old daughter has just let me know that she is pregnant. She and the boyfriend recently bought a cat and then left it with me when they moved out, so that shows her level of commitment. I’m worried. Besides, I’m only 39. I feel I’m too young to take this on.

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Yours truly,

Mr PM, Boat Harbour

Dear Mr PM, or should I call you Grandpa?

Well, this is a fine old state of affairs. There you were encouraging the boyfriend over friendly cricket matches, and meanwhile he was hitting home runs with your princess. There are positives to being a young mum, though I can’t for the life of me remember what they are because I’ve suffered sleep deprivation since the age of 19. Did you not give her the doll that cries and wees and vomits when she was in her formative years? Did you not take her to cafes where screaming babies ruin everyone’s flat white and smashed avocado? Did you not show her images of mindless mothers playing Candy Crush because their brains are so fried? How about some birthing videos in slow motion with the Psycho soundtrack in the background for good measure?

But don’t worry too much, Pop, or should I call you Pa or Gramps? You have not lost a daughter, you have gained a son . . . oh, and a baby. Well done, you. And the best part is, when she realises what a hard gig this parenting caper is, she’ll probably be spending a lot more time at your joint. There’s a plus. Or else she’ll just drop the little treasure to your house and go back to being a teenager again while you walk the hallways singing lullabies.

Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet is truly a joy for all to behold, but mostly the grandparents.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.