On the Couch with Jasminda



Do you have a pressing problem, annoying anxiety or community conundrum? Jasminda Featherlight, our resident roving Agony Aunt, is here to help. Jasminda will be responding to questions from our News Of The Area papers on a rotating basis. Send your concerns to Jasminda care of edit@mcnota.com.au and include your title, initials and suburb.

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Dear Jasminda,
My wife has no idea how to use roundabouts. She stops at them when there is nothing on the roundabout and when she goes through one with two lanes, she doesn’t even stay in the lane she started in. She’s an accident waiting to happen.

Concerned Mr GF, Anna Bay

Dear Mr GF,
I’ve given this one some thought and I think the only way to sort it out is to think of drivers on the road as different dog breeds. Now some drivers are like the Collie or the German Shepherd. They are intelligent, have great levels of concentration, keep their eye on the task at hand, and progress in a thoughtful manner. Other drivers, and I am going to put your wife in this category, are more like the two-year-old Labrador or Boxer. They race around like lunatics, unable to stay on task, and they veer all over the place as though their mind is constantly wandering to the same beat as their wavering sense of direction. Still, they mean no real harm, though they are an accident waiting to happen. There’s a third category of driver that I would put in the angry, hovering-too-close-to-your-arse box. Think of the Doberman, perhaps the misunderstood Pit Bull, or even the Rottweiler. Now I know I’m generalising here. There are some lovely dogs in all these categories, but there are also ones that would be pretty happy to chew your arm off or tailgate you down a dark alley. Now you, Mr GF, you have to be a Kelpie in this situation.

You need to herd your wife back in the right direction. If she starts veering off course, just set her on the straight and narrow again. When she pulls up at the roundabout, like a dog pulling up at a tree, or a urine-stained patch of grass, or the back end of another dog, you need to nip her heels, metaphorically speaking, and guide her, gently yet firmly.

Be the Kelpie, Mr GF, and all will be right with the world again.

Carpe diem,

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