Dear Jasminda,

My husband has started jogging with a mutual female friend. They go off on their one-hour exercise regime four times a week and come back laughing and sweaty. I’ve been asked if I want to join in, but I hate jogging. Do you think this is okay or do I have a right to feel weird about it?
Mrs WO, Corlette

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Dear Mrs WO,

Jogging is such an ugly sport isn’t it? I mean have you ever looked at a jogger and admired their grace? Have you ever seen a smiling jogger? No, you haven’t, because jogging is sheer hell on the brain and body. Pounding the pavement is a strain game and it shows in the contorted faces of joggers, grimacing while their thighs chafe, their genitals sweat, their tendons tear and their knees head towards a replacement in the not-too-distant future. Jogging is an injury-prone sport. There’s a lot not to like about it, and even less to like when your husband is perfecting his shoulders-pockets arm movements and leg strides with another woman.

Do you have anything to worry about? I mean they did ask you to join them (and you sensibly declined).

Perhaps, if you are really worried, you could helpfully drive along behind them and offer words of encouragement through a microphone as coaches do for long-distance runners. If there’s any spark of attraction, that should put it out very quickly.

The laughing when they return is just the body’s natural response to exercise. Have you noticed that after any form of exercise people seem euphoric. Now there is a medical term for it, but I’m just going to call it the ‘why in hell’s name did you put me through that agony? I’m just so thrilled to be alive that I’m giggling uncontrollably’ syndrome. It is pretty common.

Trust that all is well, Mrs WO. Maybe there’s an alternative sport you could take up with your husband?
Carpe diem,
Jasminda.