‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

I have a magnificent kangaroo paw plant at the front of my property.

Recently, I noticed that someone has been helping themselves.

I’m quite miffed. How do you suggest I deal with this?

Vicki A.

Dear Vicki,

I’m trying to envisage someone furtively pinching kangaroo paws and I’d imagine that would be quite a difficult thing to pull off.

I’m also of the belief that this is a pre-meditated crime.

It would be possible to pinch something innocuous, like a daisy, without too much difficulty, but a kangaroo paw would require secateurs at the very least.

It would also be very difficult to discreetly leave the crime scene with a bunch of these highly distinctive plants.

Your thief is brazen (or perhaps working with an accomplice and a getaway vehicle).

So, you have a couple of options.

You could be passive and bask in the glory of knowing that your gardening skills are of such a high standard that people are willing to resort to theft.

You could be aggressive, hiding out behind your shrubbery and then pouncing on the thief, perhaps giving them a good walloping with a clump of the strap-like foliage and yelling, ‘Get your dirty picking mitts off my magnificent flowers.’

Or you could be imaginative and, once again hiding, cry out a furtive ‘ouch’ each time the pilferer snips off one of the flowering stems.

I’d hesitate to go to your local law enforcement officers over this.

They are probably dealing with equally important issues like cyber crime, human trafficking and drug cartels.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.

One thought on “‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

  1. Jasminda doesn’t seem to appreciate the effort required to produce a magnificent plant. In one’s garden. “Carpe diem” indeed! A total lack of understanding and empathy. We need a new occupant on the couch.

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