‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

MY son wants to play weekend sport, but the thought of standing in a crowd on our precious weekends isn’t filling us with a lot of joy.

Julie S.

Dear Julie,

I suspect I might like you.

You’re not one of those fawning parents who thinks the world revolves around little Johnny’s ball skills.

Few things are more mindnumbingly boring than watching a sport you don’t understand played by kids who don’t really understand it either.

Yes, I know all about teambuilding and resilience and all those other useful skills.

But for some reason standing on the sidelines in the rain watching your child being knocked over by a kid who is supposedly twelve but has more facial hair than your husband makes you ponder about just how much more resilience your son needs.

Then there are the miserable drives home for the away games when you have to try to explain why the coach’s kid got player of the match for the fifth consecutive week, all the while knowing that you could have stayed home and watched Bend it like Beckham instead.

There’s sure to be at least one other parent on the team with your mindset, Julie.

You need to seek them out and then organise a roster system so you only have to endure this every second game.

On the days you have to attend, take a good book, buy a coffee and call out something encouraging every 20 minutes.

Preferably not ‘good job’ or ‘just be you’.

Both are highly irritating.

A simple ‘run’ could be effective, as could ‘don’t break anything. We don’t have health insurance’.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.

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