DEAR Jasminda,

My husband is extremely social and I’m introverted.

He will often say, ‘Oh such and such is dropping in for drinks tonight’ which makes me stressed.

Is there any way we can reach some sort of compromise on this?

Hettie W.

Dear Hettie,

They say opposites attract, but usually that’s at the start of a relationship when you’re both wearing rose-coloured glasses and drinking a lot of wine.

It’s wonderful that your husband is social, but that doesn’t mean he has to give so little notice when he plans to have people over.

If you’re introverted, you probably like to prepare for these occasions with a cheese platter or a migraine (migraines are a fool-proof way of getting out of social events since they give you permission to retreat to a dark room for about five hours).

I think the first part of the compromise needs to be that your husband gives you a couple of days to warm up to the idea of guests coming over.

If you’re given enough notice, you may find that you enjoy catching up with other people and it’s just the spontaneity of the get-togethers that you don’t like.

The second part of the compromise could be that every second week, you get to choose a social event more in keeping with your personality, which may be watching a movie, or strolling along a beach, or enjoying a nice meal for two.

Perhaps explain to your extroverted husband that introverts need to recharge by spending time alone.

If he can’t quite grasp how it feels to be an introvert, starve him of sleep for eight hours, then send him to a food court in the morning and the mosh pit of a heavy metal concert in the evening.

He’ll get the idea.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.